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March 14, 2013

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My kids aren't lucky, I am!

I'm tired of existing outside boundaries.

Daily thoughts, monthly skypes, yearly visits

Yes, they are "my own" children.

Sitting in paradox right along with him.

(with credit to Jane Jeong Trenka)

Oops, extra word in there.

Sitting in paradox along with him.

Legitimate half orphan bastardized by adoption.

I don't fit in anywhere. Ever.

No child should ever be abandoned.

(This was one I submitted a few years ago to the Minneapolis 6-word project)

Forever between, the total me unseen.

It's messy, but I have family.

This has been on my mind for the past few days, so ...

I reject rejection. I exist. Deal.

Two mothers,one love; grief,joy

1. Happiness at the expense of adoptees?
2. Happiness at the expense of birthparents?

From an anonymous adoptive parent (posted with permission)

During graduate school, I worked as a research assistant where I interviewed adopted children and their parents. One child's response (which happens to be six words) has stuck with me many years later. The young child explained adoption like this.

"It's living where you don't belong."

No more unicorns. Human rights violations!

Open adoptees' original birth certificates NOW!

Children do not stay children forever.

My broken family breaks me daily.

Post adoption, don't forget about us.

Adapt adoption policy as adoption changes.

They bought me into their dysfunction.

Responses from my twitter request #6wordadoption:

My daughter is entitled to anger - amydcubbage aka madmommamoogacat

Walk with me on this journey - mumdrah

Navigating the knife edge of dilemma - mumdrah

Sacrifice. Hurt. Blessings. Amazing. Friendships. Love. - lauragbutler

Legitimate half orphan bastardized by adoption - forbidden family

More family,support,love changing perspective - RandomMusing23

Surreal, but I remain me throughout - mscathyanne
Not an orphan, didn't need saving. (My son, but I can't cram that in.)- kallistimn

Two crazy families instead of one? - nicolecallahan

Love takes work. It's worth it!

Jamal Salim got more than Coke-a-colas

For love or for love of controling

I didn't need them to redeem me

Separation was not a onetime event.

Adoption should be a last resort.

Listen, love will NEVER be enough!

This body colonized by white people.

anonymous six word. . . from adoptee in 30 year reunion

Never Good Enough. No REAL Family.

can't resist -

I Exist. Fuck Off Prudish Abandoners.

Listen! Adoptees are screaming their truth.

I wish I knew his scent.

I made a tragic, permanent decision.

She should be living with us.

Crisis thinking = poor permanent decision making.

Pain in ALL sides of adoption

Listen to adoptees and update laws!

Secrecy in adoption pains the soul

Falsified birth certificate means always adopted

my heart yearns for her daily

Thought I was fine. Now what?

You are the best mother ever.

Savior experiment that went terribly wrong

Please can I know you now.

Please remember I'm a mom too

Adoption separates children from their families

birthadoptee violated my right to adopt

Don't keep our identities a secret!

RIGHT to adopt??? No such thing!

My life rocks! Thank you, moms!

Still struggling to claim my story.

Terrified and alone, I gave up.

Some days I want to die-

how are those six words? No, I am not suicidal, but some times the pain is so great, that at least if I were dead it would be over.

As If there were roots. Ingrown.

I hold you with me always.

Even reunion can't heal the loss

My WHOLE self forever, tragically lost.

Over controlling laws ignore human rights.

Peace, Love, Hope, Joy, intensionally ours.

Birthed Love, Gave Love, Found Love. Lucky.
(I know it's 7)

Hard to be his mother after.

Leave your god out of it.

Leave your god out of it.

it killed me to surrender her

I lost her then I died

one mother one daughter one love

fear shame surrender grief reunion love

never one day without her memory

where is she how is she?

where was my courage back then?

how is one girl so splendid?

those memories are still so painful.

I'll never recover from losing her

Three countries,
Three families,
forever united.....

Also,

In their eyes, I glimpse another's.....

Seeking meaning to my adoption journey

Conceived in my heart, much sweeter
You are MY OWN, not substitution
You rescued ME, not the opposite
Your losses haunt, hurt me also
You aren't alone in your pain
My love doesn't make memories disappear
My love and support are yours
I can't erase your tragic past
Trying everything to help you heal
Love you beyond measure, to infinity

Ok, so that's more than 6 words, but each 6 word line can stand on its own with respect to my feelings about my daughter and our adoption of her.

Abandoned ~ Rejected: Saved ~ Redeemed: Hope Heals

Dis-empowered ambivalence in love's healing presence.

Participating in an open adoption as a birthfather is a strange business.

Adopters: Check entitlement at the door.

A huge thanks to everyone who submitted their 6-words. Thank you so much.

Thankful my birthmother was brave enough.

Still angry after all these years.

I grow angrier after research, denial

Thanks to everyone who contributed to the #6wordadoption here and on Twitter. Everyone's submissions were so profoundly resonant and I thought gave so much breadth to the adoption experience.

His pain is my pain always

I was given a better life

Everyone ashamed of who you are.

Never consented to lie for yo~u

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