Race Matters: What does it mean in your transracial family?

This was from the Iowa Foster and Adoptive Parent Association's Cultural Connections Conference, where I presented this past weekend.

Things to think about when parenting a child transracially or transnationally:

• Will your child have any adult role models that reflect his race?
• Who will your child see on television that positively and accurately reflects her race?
• Are the only people of your child’s race or ethnicity working in service jobs? Or does your child see professionals of his race or ethnicity on a regular basis?
• Who will your child date and/or go to Prom with? How will you prepare your child if he or she is only considered “friend” material because of his or her race?
• Does your child think that all “brown” or Asian kids are adopted?
• How will you feel about your child dating or marrying /partnering a person of his or her same race?
• Do you expect your child will come to you with questions about race and racism?
• Do you expect your child will tell you about his or her experiences with racism? Especially at school? And what if it involves teachers?
• Do you have a difficult time believing that your child/family will be impacted by race? Do you believe things are “different now?”
• Does your child know what to do if he is pulled over by the police for DWB (Driving While Black)?
• What part of being a transracially adoptive family concerns you the most?
• What relationships are you willing to give up if needed to support your child? Are you willing to give up membership in the dominant culture?
• How will you react if someone you love makes racist statements about your child’s racial/cultural/ethnic community?
  • Suffer in silence?
  • Speak up?
• How would you handle your child declaring that she thinks she’s white or refuses to accept her race/culture? What if they no longer want to participate in “cultural camps” or “heritage events?”
  • Would you feel terrible?
  • Would you force your child to go?
  • Would you sigh in relief?
• What are your thoughts about affirmative action? Does it change when you realize that it will affect your child?
• Negative statements or feelings about a birth parent may translate into your child’s belief that people like “him” are bad. If you feel or express negativity about your child’s birth parents or his birth parent’s race, you are also telling your child that a part of him is bad.

© 2008 by Jae Ran Kim. Links to this post are permitted but this post may not be copied and re-posted without permission. For reprint permission, contact Jae Ran Kim at harlowmonkey at gmail.com.

Comments

[Patrick]

Those are all really good questions. When my wife and I adopted trans-racially that was a very important factor. We rejected and African adoption because we live in a region of Canada with very few people with African ancestry. We didn't think we could offer appropriate cultural and racial role models or experiences. I wonder how Asian children grow up in parts of the US and Canada where that would be the only Asian child. That has to be hard. I hope PAPs take that into consideration.

[Judy]

I'm glad I found your blog. I am a mom to four, three through international adoption. I agree with what you've posted and these are VERY IMPORTANT questions that PAP's need to visit - with great care. These are questions we asked ourselves and discussed before adopting.