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May 28, 2008

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Wow. You do such good analysis.

As a KAD TRA who would one day like to adopt (domestically because I feel it's not right to remove children from whole continents and cultures and languages) I know I will be faced with the likelihood that the child I adopt will not be my race, and if s/he comes from a non-white group, there is a huge history of racism behind the welfare system. I feel heartened that your opinion is that transracial adoption should not be outright banned, just discussed and involve education for white parents.

What, in your opinion, is the most ethical of domestic adoptions?

This is fascinating to learn, especially since it flies in the face of what's recommended (and now required by the Hague?) for pre-adoption education of parents adopting internationally. Our process included discussion of racial/cultural/ethnic issues during our homestudy (and I suspect it was less a focus in our interviews since only one of us is a TRAP), and was specifically addressed during the preparation class required by our international agency. How crazy is it that an agency knows that accounting for a child's RCNO identity needs is one of its best practices for international adoptions, but can be prohibited from providing this best practice for domestic adoptions?

My problem with the situation is that from my experience with foster care adoption, MEPA/IEPA does almost nothing to address the prejudices of social workers. If the social worker really wants to do race-matching, they're going to do race-matching anyway.

I think if there were CONSISTENT standards for training, the situation would be a lot better. Right now, it's just all over the map. I've heard horror stories about social workers who have jumped in, in the middle of a case, and moved a child solely because of race. Or else the opposite... that a child is placed because of favoritism, when there was a much more culturally appropriate home waiting.

I have noticed (often bitterly) how the current situation works against me. I'm not complaining as an adoptive parent as much I'm complaining as an Asian. Who thinks about the needs of Asian kids to be placed in Asian homes? Neither white nor black social workers have much of an understanding of that.

If new standards are going to be truly child-centered, they need to be consistent but also flexible when it comes to the needs of the children. Teenagers looking for a home should be allowed to make their own decisions, of course. Kids are coming from all kinds of backgrounds and some are going to be very secure in their cultural identity, others are terribly fragile.

And in my opinion, demographic standards are even more important than training. Something like "at least one area within a 5-mile radius has a concentration of greater than 10% of child's race/ethnicity". I think a diverse area or school compensates for family background much more than vice versa. It hardly matters what positive message the child is getting at home if they're assaulted and abused every day at school.

This is a very important aspect of the US system. Thanks for the education and your take on it.

But I find myself feeling some resentment at adoptive parents being seen as privileged consumers. Not that my perspective is relevant beyond myself.

If I think about what my wife and I went through when we considered adoption, what it was about seemed fairly clear:

1. we wanted to have a child or children. Ie, to be parents.
2. we preferred this child be an infant.

I grew up in various diverse environments where mixed race and multi race were the norm, and I really didn't consider the difficulty my adopting a not-white child would put that child in.

Now, the above may sound cold or privileged or who knows, but at the end the day what we did was volunteer to spend the rest of our lives raising someone else's children. I don't see it as an altruistic act per se, but I sure as hell don't see it as selfish.

I try very hard to be very humble about my role and frankly I take the very large amount of bad news I've gotten on what I did six years ago very well. But still I think we lose sight of individuals too quickly. And the inflexibility of these awful laws and our condemnation of them might be missing the point entirely.

Some good points raised in the comments. I'll try and address some of them.

Psychobabbler, you are correct that MEPA is in complete opposition to the Hague. Also, it's the complete opposite of ICWA (Indian Child Welfare Act) which enforces the placement of American Indian children in foster and adoptive homes. This leads me to think that we're saying that every child is entitled to be raised with consideration of their race and culture *unless* you're black.

Atlastien, you are right. MEPA/IEPA does NOT change the biases of social workers. And consistent standards for training are a HUGE problem for me too.

Ed, I don't believe ALL adoptive parents act like consumers. However, we live in a consumeristic society and there are many elements of our adoption system that IS consumer-based. So while I don't believe anyone really goes into saying, "I want to BUY a child" (well, there are a very few maybe who have, but not most) - the system has been set up to essentially give adoptive parents the idea that they can pick out their child like the way they'd buy a new car. I'm not saying this is what you or most adoptive parents did, I'm saying this is what the industry has done to adoption.

I'm not criticizing your choice to adopt an infant, but even that is a criteria you chose. And, you may say it's "volunteering" but just the terminology you used makes people think of it in a certain way. I had children and was I selfish to have kids? You bet. Because I wanted to experience parenting. That's a selfish reason. I consider it a privilege to be able to help my kids grow to adulthood.

I'm not judging you, I'm just trying to point out that many white adoptive parents see things through their lenses. I don't think the people who sued the county agencies did so because they wanted to be malicious - they sued because they loved a child and they wanted to be that child's parent. The thing is, and you brought up individuality, that by only looking at the individual means you ignore whether that individual is part of a larger pattern.

My biggest gripe with MEPA - and maybe I didn't clearly state it enough - is that I believe it hurts ADOPTIVE PARENTS as much as it hurts the child. I think training is essential and so is self-assessment. Obviously, I can only speak for myself here, but I am always questioning my own biases. I also want to know as much as possible about what I do. I like to be informed. When I found out I was pregnant I read baby books up the wazoo so I could know what to expect. Why would parenting by adoption be any different?

I also think we ALL need to look in the mirror and question whether we are the only ones in the world who can provide for the "best interests" of a child. Maybe I'm stepping out on a limb here, but I don't think I'm all that. I think there are many people who could love and raise my children the same as or better than me. And some of them might not even be Asian. Which goes back to the idea of individuality. All things being equal, who would be given preference? And if, hypothetically, all things weren't equal - let's say family A was working class but Family B had a more money and a house in the suburbs - who do you think would get preference? Even if both families had the same amount of love?

Great post.
Poss. xxx

Great analyis. I am loving this discussion in general and your take in particular. Thanks.

Amen, sister.

There are also some propositions floating in the theoretical realm that adoptive parents never be allowed to pick the race of a child and just get what they get. The idea is that parents unwilling to raise a child outside their race would not adopt at all. There's tons of criticism of that idea, but I think it's an interesting thought-experiment, because I'm not so sure a white person who thinks she could only love a white baby (for example) would be such a great mother to white child either, ya know?

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Harlow's Monkey

  • I am a social worker who doesn’t believe that social work is just about "saving" people or "helping" people. Social work is about reform and empowerment, not about social control. I am attempting to be an agent of change from within the institutional structures that historically have been used to discriminate against those our society does not value. This blog was born in March of 2006 as a way to put down my thoughts about international and transracial adoption, foster care, race and social work from a point of view that is often missing - the adoptee themselves.

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