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February 08, 2008

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Has anyone researched the monetary ramifications of adoption in Vietnam? In Korea, overseas adoption brings in over 20 million dollars for the government, not to mention that it does not have to house and feed children in an orphanage. While this does not bring in any financial gain for the family, it does relieve a tremendous burden from the government. In China, however, some mothers are paid for their children. I am wondering if Vietnam pulled the purse strings.

"This is about what's ethically just for the children involved."


Just wanted to say that again!! It needs to be said over and over and over again.


"This is about what's ethically just for the children involved."

The doctor experience always gets to me. To admit that I don't know my own medical history to a doctor (usually a stranger, given how often doctors move from place to place) and that I was adopted always brings a flush of shame to my face. It's ridiculous to me that I should be made to feel ashamed of being adopted.

Anyway, thank you for bringing the subject back around to the kids.

As you know we have a daughter from China where unfortunately abandonment is the only option (well, not the only one but fortunately her birthparents didn't make that horrific decision) We have no information , not even her 'real' birthday~ I just filled out a form for preschool today where I was forced to write "don't know" over and over..it broke my heart that as her Mama I don't know so I can only imagine how much it will hurt her not knowing : (

When we began our Vietnam adoption we started with an agency that we left b/c they were making promises that sounded unethical. One of the things they asked me was if I had a preference of abandoned or relinquished? (ps..that was one of the many red flags I had about them) However, it did make me stop and think...part of me wanted relinquished for the sake of my child but the other part wanted abandoned b/c her sister didn't get that choice and I would feel bad for Annslee. I know none of this makes much sense. Anyway, we are knee deep in the Vietnam process right now and it is kind of crazy. I want my daughter home, I want Annslee to have a sister and sure, I want it soon. However, I have to be able to look my children in the eyes and assure them that I did everything I could to insure that everything was done ethically...so I support anything being done to aid that in Vietnam.

Wow, more than you asked for huh??

"One of the things they asked me was if I had a preference of abandoned or relinquished? (ps..that was one of the many red flags I had about them)"

Yikes! Good for you for recognizing that as a huge red flag!

I think what you said at the end is so important. Since we do eventually grow up (I know it seems like forever - trust me, some days I can't imagine my kids ever becoming adults) I hope adoptive parents think about how they would answer to their grown adult child's questions.

If I found out I was illegally adopted and my parents just closed their eyes in order to get me faster, it would be very difficult to understand how they could be that selfish.

This adoptive parent could not agree with you more.

It brings me to tears to know that the chances my sons will be able to find and connect to their birth family are slim.

And anything that brings reality and enlightenment to the adoption process must be supported.

I don't know if I feel more shame being naive as we adopted or anger that the process is not as it was presented.

I can live with the knowledge that I might have made different choices had I known more while remaining committed to my children's lives.

What I say to prospective adoptive parents that approach me has change a lot over the last 5 years. For one, I point them here.

You are so painfully right. We've been logged into China since July/06 for baby #2, but since initiating that process, it's become more and more apparent that we cannot ethically pursue that adoption. Our best bet at this point is to pull out and start over with a special needs China adoption, which could take us another two years to complete. This is breaking my heart, but I can't imagine looking my adult child in the face and telling her we knew what we know now and still went ahead.

One family that recently adopted another child from Vietnam wrote about the new procedures in detail:

http://www.goodhappenings.com/WordPress/?p=297

I think they agree with the intentions behind the further investigations, but were unhappy that much of the delay was due to paperwork sitting on someone's desk.

I think what you're saying about adoptees having access to their family history is very important. More adoptive parents of abandoned children seem to be considering searching for birth parents now, rather than waiting until their children decide to search. This is a tricky decision, because I think search and reunion is something adoptees should have the lead on, but at the same time, if too much time passes, the trail can grow cold.

You go girl! I agree with everything you said!

I agree with you 100%. I plan to do a search next spring for the person who "found" my daughter, hoping they know her family. In China there are so few leads. I feel if I wait until she is an adult, it may be too late. You wouldn't believe how many negative comments we get on the information we are currently seeking, leading up to our trip to China. I believe all adopted children deserve the truth, even if it is not pretty. Atleast it would be the truth.

If adoptive parents are really concerned about how much time children will spend in orphanages, they should also be concerned about how many children will spend any amount of time there. (and, yes, I know that many are concerned about both) By ignoring red flags about unethical adoption practices in the home country, receiving countries are complicit in children ending up in orphanages even if they have family.

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