Harlow's Monkey

Jealousy

Everytime I hear about an adoptee who has reunited with their families, the green-eyed monster makes a visit. I have witnessed three reunions and have had many more friends reunite with their bio families and while I am beside myself with happiness for them, it also reminds me that I am still waiting.

Still waiting to know who I look like. Still waiting to see myself reflected in someone else's mannerisms. Still waiting to know the real reasons why I was abandoned at 14 months. Who was I living with before that cold, winter February day in 1970? Who took care to bundle me up properly and leave a note tucked into my little jacket with a name and birthdate?

A friend of mine who is the same age as I but was domestically adopted just found his sister. My friend reunited with his mom and his brother many years ago, but has been waiting for the day his sister would look him up. Last month, they were able to meet in person. Just thinking about it now gives me chills. It's pretty heady stuff to digest. Despite their many difference, they do have many things in common - especially their musical talents, which no one else in their family has.

BBC News: " Reality behind Aceh's 'orphans'"

Reality behind Aceh's 'orphans'

More than 85% of children sent to orphanages in the Indonesian province of Aceh after the tsunami have at least one parent alive, according to a report by the charity Save the Children and the Indonesian government.

Thanksgiving thoughts

I hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend. This time of year is always an incredibly busy one for me and my family. There are several birthdays in my family between Thanksgiving and Christmas. In addition, I equate holidays with stress because my family is one that likes to discuss politics and religion and I am as far away from most of them in these two areas as one can get. It gets so bad that I've dubbed the holiday "Cranks-giving" because I typically come home crabby.

My daughter's birthday was on Thanksgiving this year, and my birthday was Saturday. My daughter turned 13!  One of the best things about being a parent is getting to see who my children grow up to be. I love to watch their personalities develop. My daughter has developed into a wonderful person. It's been such a joy to see her grow into her own skin.

The birthdays (my daughter's and mine) are always stressful for me. I'm not sure if it's this way with other adoptees or not. Every birthday I am sad. At first, as a younger person, I was sad for the reminder that my mother in Korea had no idea whether I was alive or not. And I had no idea whether she was alive or not. Each birthday, while my adoptive family tried to make it a special day, was always tinged with some sadness.

Happy Thanksgiving

From political cartoonist Jeff Parker

YouTube videos of Outsiders Within contributors

Jane Jeong Trenka, reading from the introduction to Outsider's Within
Sun Yung Shin, reading from the introduction to Outsider's Within

Bryan Thao Worra, reading his poem, "Evolve"
Shannon Gibney, reading her piece, "Hunger"

Outsider's Within reading and book launch

[My reading last night at the OW book launch]

I want to extend a huge thank you to everyone who helped with the OW book release and reading last night. It was an amazing event. So many people came that our auditorium could not hold everyone. We had two full rows of people on the floor because there were not seats enough for them all.

To everyone who came, thank you for supporting us. It has been a long 3 years coming but the packed house last night certainly made us feel that our voices are indeed being heard.

Thank you, Jane and Sun Yung for inviting me to be a contributor; thanks to Sandy White Hawk and her friends, Chris Leith, Jerry Dearly, Arvol Looking Horse, Dorene Day and to Kirk Crow Shoe and his drummers and to the dancers, Jackie and Terry and the others.

Thank you Amoke Kubot. Thanks to George and Bryan for documenting this historic event. Thanks to Peter, Christopher, John and Ka for supporting us both last night and for the past year as we've seen this book come to fruition.

Thanks to the First Nation's Orphan Association and the University of MN departments: The Consortium for the Study of the Asias, The Institute for Global Studies, American Studies, Asian American Studies and the Dance Program

Thank you, Ananya Dance Theatre members, for the beautiful and inspiring excerpts from Duubaar.

And thanks to my fellow contributors and readers last night: Kim, Shannon, Heidi, Bryan and Sandy.

Times Herald-Recorder: "Creating a family"

Another example of how we frame discussions of transracial adoption in the media.

Creating a family

Local parents are embracing children from other countries and of different races. By Sheldon Scruggs

Times Herald-Record When Diane Kirk was shopping with her little son, Jason, they caught the eye of a shopper in Wal-Mart. The woman asked Diane a question about her son that broke her heart:

"Is he Asian or just retarded?"

This was not the first time Diane and her husband, Jim, have fielded questions such as this. Jason, 2, is Korean. Diane and Jim are Caucasian. They adopted Jason when he was 6 months old. The woman thought Jason may have Down syndrome.

WHILE MADONNA HAS CAPTURED world headlines with her transracial adoption of a baby from the nation of Malawi in Africa, many couples in the mid-Hudson have quietly opened their hearts to children by adopting internationally and transracially.

Some couples encounter ignorance and other difficulties when they adopt children, either abroad or in the United States. However, the strong desire to enlarge their families by adopting is what compels couples to travel any distance, endure any heartache and spend any amount of money.

Newsweek/MSNBC: "Sending Babies Abroad"

Sending Babies Abroad

"Resilience"

Birthmothers: Unspoken Side of Adoption  By Yi Chang-ho, Contributing Writer

Captured screen shots from the documentary “Resilience” about adoptees

The documentary "Resilience" has some remarkable features. One of them is that it portrays birthmothers, and most of them are single mothers, who unwillingly had to give up their children for adoption, a side of the story often neglected in Korea.

Another is how the documentary came to be. The documentary’s producer, the Rev. Kim Do-hyun, met a Korean adoptee for the first time while he was working and living in Switzerland. The woman was happily married and had a child. The Rev. Kim says, ``Everyday she was happy, but one day she told me this: ‘I have a great question mark in my heart, absorbing all my energy.’’’ These overwhelming questions about her adoption, identity, birthparents and Korea made a big impact on him. He came to think that one of the ways to answer the questions of adoptees could be through the birthmothers. ``If the adoptee has a question, maybe the birthmother has the answer. They are two sides of the same coin.’’

Being racist

As I was catching up on blog discussions from the past week, including the excellent assignment on RaceChangers.com about transracial adoption and Third Mom’s response on her blog, I was struck by how often in our discussions about the personal choices that go into the decision to adopt transracially or internationally I come across the sensitive subject of whether or not a person who adopts transracially without much education, knowledge or willingness to examine the racial complexities of transracial adoption can be considered racist - even if these adoptive parents don’t make “racist” statements.

There it is, the dreaded “r” word: racism. Can one be racist if one is ignorant? seems to be one of the questions that is posed. “Let’s not use the “racist” word,” some suggest. After all, I am guessing that to outright call someone a racist is to conjure up images of the KKK or Nazi Germany. But one doesn’t have to wear a swastika on their upper arm or a pillowcase on their head to be racist. For me, one of the most frightening aspects of racism is the subtle, quiet kind. At least with outright, blatant racism I know how to protect myself.

Here is what wikipedia has to say about racism:

The term racism is sometimes used to refer to preference for one's own ethnic group (ethnocentrism), fear of difference (xenophobia), views or preferences against interbreeding of the races (miscegenation) and nationalism, regardless of any explicit belief in superiority or inferiority imbedded within such views or preferences. Racism has been used to justify social discrimination, racial segregation and violence, including genocide.

The term racist, when used to describe someone who supports racism, has been a pejorative term since at least the 1940s, and the identification of a group or person as racist is nearly always controversial.

Why are we so afraid to be called a racist?