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May 29, 2006

Comments

Just wanted to say that was a beautiful post.

I love this site. I am an adoptee (27) and practically every entry on your site is really touching for me. Keep writing - I'll be checking in & reading!!

Thank you. I just found your site and I am learning so much. This family tree blog is quite interesting to me. My Mother was adopted (domestic) and I do not know my father as he abandoned us when I was about 7, I learned of his death last year (35 years later). So my family tree has many holes, almost like an adopted person. Then to add to that our two youngest children (we have 6, 4 bio) we adopted in China. SO our tree continues to have leaves filled with holes.
I appriciate you and the time you have taken to share your thoughts and feelings. I am learning so much, I hope to pass on what I learn to benifit my children.
Gratitude, with open ears and heart...

Sometimes family trees aren't all they seem to be. I'm fifth generation native Californian, but that doesn't mean my mom is going to come visit any time soon. I can trace my roots all the way to the Cival War, and my husband is fourth generation from South Dakota, but who really cares if most of the time, our "family" consists only of those whom I have dinner with every night.

Karen,

while your point may be valid and true for you, it is really inappropriate to tell me, or any other adoptee, that family trees aren't important or "all they seem to be." I'm taking it under assumption that you were not intending to be dismissive, but your comment could be taken that way.

For everyone who has suffered or experienced some sadness or loss, it is not helpful to be told by someone who hasn't experienced that loss that it isn't a big deal.

I would hope instead that you would offer empathy and understanding, or at least attempt to be open to understanding, even if it doesn't ring true as an experience for yourself.

I think my comment was taken as hostile, but that was not as it was intended to be.

Not hostile, Karen, I just wanted to point out that adoptees are often told that our feelings are not valid, and typically it's done through the lens of "it's not that important" or "well, I had a similar experience" or "it doesn't bother me, so why make a big deal out of it?"

Your comment is common, I've heard iterations of it before, and I want to make sure that adoptive parents and non-adopted persons understand that we want to have our feelings and experiences validated, not silenced or dismissed.

I just found this post (and your blog) and wanted to add my thanks. What a poignant post. I'm neither an adoptee nor an AP, but I am a lesbian mom with a child conceived by (anonymous) donor insemination, and I often think about what questions / feelings of pain or loss my child might experience in regards to their family tree and its shadows. Many thanks for the blog, in general, too - I'm learning a lot as I read through it.

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